


The Fatally Compromised Diaries of Ralph Ross Lanyon

by havisham



Category: The Charioteer - Mary Renault
Genre: A Very Sad Handwritten Book, Dark Crack, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-05 13:43:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1094556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havisham/pseuds/havisham
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Excerpts from Ralph's diary, with bits of his soul attached.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fatally Compromised Diaries of Ralph Ross Lanyon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Naraht](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naraht/gifts).



> Thank you, Tehta, for beta-ing and joke-work shopping.

**June 2nd, 1940**  
Fished out of the English Channel, more or less intact. 

**June 3rd, 1940**

Fingers Missing: 2 ¾  
Sub is dead. Naval career also dead. Am feeling fine otherwise.

 **June 15th, 1940**

At hospital. Alec caught me in a confiding mood.  
He advised me to write to Odell. Told him to mind his own damn business.

 **June 16th, 1940**

Wrote to Odell -- Spud, really. Saw him last going back from Dunkirk.  
He kept looking at me in the strangest way.

I wonder if he kept the book?

 **June 17th, 1940**

No answer from Spud.

 **June 18th, 1940**

No answer from Spud.  
Released from hospital.

 **June 19th, 1940**

No answer from Spud. Met Sandy. 

Alec’s taste in men remains suspect. 

**June 20th, 1940**

Spud’s letter returned. Said that he died of wounds.

A bad day.

**July 2nd, 1940**

Drinking heavily.

 **July 15th, 1940**

Drinking heavily.

 **July 23rd, 1940**

Drinking heavily.

 **August 15th, 1940**

Came home today to a person who introduced himself as Bunny, no last name. Says he lives here, and that we are lovers. Apparently this has been going on for some time.

Note to self: never mock Alec’s taste in men again. 

**September 11th, 1940**

Boo becoming more and more unbearable. His decorating is especially atrocious.

Does make a good cocktail, however.

**October 5th, 1940**

Alec’s birthday party tonight, will arrive very late in order to avoid the more annoying guests. Will probably not be able to avoid Sandy, more’s the pity. 

**October 6th, 1940**

Wonderful news! Spud has been alive this entire time. Alec is v. smug about the whole thing -- I must remember that I am still angry at him for being so indiscreet.

Sandy keeps eyeing Spud in a very speculative manner. I’ll kill him if he tries anything.

~~Never mind.~~

**October 9th, 1940**

Spud is in love with _someone else --_

[illegible]

**October 15th, 1940**

Woke up with a splitting headache and trapped in one of Bunny’s horrible chairs.

 **October 20th, 1940**

Missed most of the wedding, thankfully. Spud looked happy to see me, I think. 

His new stepfather knows Jeepers. Of course he does. 

 

**October 21st, 1940**

Laurie is wonderful, and wonderfully naive. A little less so now.  
Have doubts about that Raynes boy.

 **November 4th, 1940**

I believe this will be my last entry. Laurie more right than he imagines about many things. Must pay one last visit to Boo, but suspect that he will rather enjoy it. Then, the letters. I have no stamps, however. 

Must remember to burn this book after buying them. 

Tomorrow, then. 

**November 5th, 1940**

Came back with stamps, only to find Laurie in my room. He looked as wretched as I felt. Couldn’t hear most of what he said, kept wondering if he _knew --_

Well, impossible to prove, anyway. 

After a while of just standing there, thunderstruck, I wanted very badly to lie down somewhere. Did so, eventually, and Laurie came with me and fell asleep quickly. I imagine he hasn’t been resting well for the last few days. I must see to him soon, his leg will be troubling him… 

I’m writing this and straining every nerve not to think about the future (?) and what I -- we? -- will do now. 

The telephone is ringing, probably Alec again. 

Write again soon -- but in a new diary, perhaps.


End file.
